Not everything is Progress, and that doesn’t matter

Not everything in life will be rainbows and butterflies, let’s face it.  Here I sit, in the dark of my house at night while the rest of my family sleeps.  Not just in the dark of my house, but also in the darkest place of my heart. 

I have the tough challenge of having to balance many things in my life.  I have a wife and two children with her, along with a daughter from a previous relationship.  I have to juggle my own imperfection with that of my life.  My oldest lives in two households with different rules and personalities.  My wife and I have different opinions on how to run our own household and how to raise three kids with different circumstances and values. We often find ourselves at an impass; and my emotions, my inability to see things the way most people see things, makes parenting more difficult than it should be.  

My parents are divorced and with each of them comes a unique set of difficulties and pleasures.  Annoyances and comforts.  Frustration, anger, and love.  I have a long distance and often strained,often complicated, but always worth it, relationship with my mother; and a geographically closer, simpler, yet often intimidating relationship with my father.  I can only hope to be half the parent either of them are to me.

My wife and I come from different backgrounds.  I am her city boy and she is my country girl.  I am complicated where she is not.  We can both be stubborn and I couldn’t have hoped for a better person to spend my life with; but marriage can be stressful.  Parenting can be stressful.  We don’t always see eye to eye, eithe because we disagree or because we just don’t understand where the other is coming from sometimes.

I think most people look to us bloggers for guidance, for hope.  To be fair, however, sometimes hope is hard to find.  Sometimes you have to accept that there are things in life over which you have very little control.  It could be your emotions, their emotions, the upbringing of your own children… and in the end you can’t always look to hope.  You simply have to do your best to love everyone in your life and trust that the best possible outcome will arise so long as you maintain that love and non-judgement.   

If you are a part of my life, be that part big or small; know that I have nothing but love for you, otherwise you would not be in my life.  I want nothing but the best for you, and there is no one I know who isn’t capable of finding their way to the best life they can have.  We may not always agree, and it may be my fault more often than not when things go wrong or we disagree. I accept that and thank you all for being in my life anyway.  Near or far, big or small; there is not a single person in my life I am not thankful for.  If you come to my blog for support, answers, or comfort; know that in love these things can be found. Find the love in your heart and share it.  It is there, I promise.

ADHD Review – Miss ADD: Transcending the Effects of ADHD in a Relationship

It’s time!  July’s ADHD review is in.  This month there were a few podcasts that resonated with me.  While I would never say any one is better than another, this month we’ll take a look at Justine Ruotolo’s “Miss ADD” podcast.  Justine has been an ADHD coach for 20 years.  She leads a couple of support groups in the L.A. area, and hers was the very first podcast/broadcast I ever participated in.

Miss ADD: Transcending the Effects of ADHD in a Relationship

Mary and Dave start by talking about how they met and fell in love.  Justine then asked how they realized ADHD was a thing, and that it might have been affecting their relationship.  How did Mary accept that David has ADHD?  By the way, their daughter has it too!  They are both certified behavioral analysts which really makes this interesting.  Our ADHD is a gift but it is not perfect and there are sometimes issues we have to overcome and the show explores how this is done.

 

Mary and David speak of the covenant of their marriage, and how prayer and their devotion to each other mix with their analytical approach and allow them to separate the symptoms from the person with ADHD. They also talk about raising their ADHD daughter using their faith and experiences to help.

 

There’s more, and you’ll have to listen to get it all!  I hope you enjoy it 🙂

 

Old Hands

Whether it is a side effect of my ADHD 0r just a function of a terrible memory, the fact remains that my childhood memories are fleeting.  I remember little of my life or family from childhood, everything before age 12 is pretty much gone.

One thing I have realized fairly recently is that the memories that I still have of my parents are from when there were in their mid 30’s, where I am now.  I caught this the other day as I was washing my hands.

I used to think my dad’s hands looked incredibly different than mine.  They had hairs on the back, and I could see his veins.  My hands would never look like that.  Except now they do.  with little liver spots and hairs.  Now I can look back on my memories of my dad, and imagine how I felt when he would have a seriously talk about discipline, manners, or just to tell me he was proud of me; and I can imagine my kids feeling like that when I talk to them.

 

You know how they always say you’ll get your parents, when you be come one?  That one day, you’ll be thanking them for everything?  My dad and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but I tell you we have to this day a bond that nothing can break.  When I have to be tough with my kids, I hope that one day they will see me the same way I see him.  Not as an old man (not that that would even be possible, he runs more miles in a week than I do in a month), but as a part of myself, without which I would not be who I am.

What do my kids see when they look at my hands?  Will my daughters look back and hate me for pushing them to keep trying to learn to ride their bike or figure out their math homework; or will they be proud of what they did on their own, thanks to me?  When I make them stay in their room with each other until they stop fighting, the room is clean, or dinner’s ready… Will they appreciate that, or hate me for it?  When I tell them I love them, and that I don’t like being strict because I remember how it felt on the receiving end, but that sometimes it’s the only way for them to learn, do they believe me?

Their hands are so young and full of life.  They are tiny next to mine, but not as tiny as they used to be.