Wellness Wagon: finale

I’ve come to realize that with only having regular disappointment in my efforts I’ve come to resent my wellness wagon experience and trying to write about it. I’ve lost track of the real purpose of this blog and it’s time to reboot. But first, let’s recap.
I have gone 1 year without a cigarette.  I have been running, off and on, and I’m not in terrible shape.  Another great thing that came out of this past year is the return of the Alumni Run. When I ran cross country in high school, we began the season each year by inviting the alumni to race against the current team. That ent away after I graduated.  I reached out to the current coach and we are beinging it back!  The first race is in August!

So that gives me something to work toward.  I still feel unhealthy and I’ve had a lot of days where my ADHD gets the best of me. 

So the lesson learned here is treating ADHD with exercise and diet requires strict structure and discipline, which of course I lack.  What isn’t shown in my wellness wagon posts is that once you do successfully develop a schedule and stick to it for a few weeks, it starts to get easier and it does work.

So what comes next?  

Well first I wrote about growing up with ADHD, sprinkling ing random stories and rants (season1).  Then I turned my focus to treatment with diet and exercise (Season2).  I am going to go back and share my favorite posts so far, and then start writing new posts, sticking more to a diary format , only writing when I have something to say instead of trying to stick to a weekly post.  I shall call it…  season3?  Meh, sounds lame but we’ll see.  So hats off to the wellness wagon.  I am still unmedicated and still looking for brain hacks etc, for my ADHD, but no more will I be writing about exercise etc., just for the sake of writing something.

Hibernation

I am starting ro wonder if my winter funk is going to be a regular thing. For a few months every year now, I leave the ADHD community; and to a lesser extend, Social Media; to seek solace elsewhere.  I creep into a shell and the normal Andrew just sort of hibernates while a lesser version of myself comes out to take his place.

I think hibernation is a better term than “Winter Funk”.  Right now I feel like I’m still out of my norm. Writing these is difficult.  Usually words come easily when I’m describing what I’m going through.  Lately all I’ve been able to muster up is a lame Wellness Wagon post.  The Wellness Wagon itself is not lame.   Don’t get me wrong.  But the posts I’ve been putting up… lamesies.  But at least this week I can reshare a ridiculous old favorite: Romance and onions.

Maybe with a few likes, shares, and comments; I can work up the nerve to write again… *shameless plea for support*

Wellness Wagon: week 31

31 weeks cigarette free.  Starting to slim down again, and I’ve cut back on junk food and alcohol.  Let’s see if I can’t get to my goals before the Wellness Wagon one year mark!

  • Drop weight down to 180 from 216
  • Register for tough mudder and 10k
  • Continue to be cigarette free
  • Develop a more consistent dietary plan

I have until June to get it together! My biggest obstacle is my own attitude.  I have had a lot of “I can’t” going on, and i haven’t had the energy or motivation get more exercise and make better food.

Wellness wagon: week 29.5

I’m finally starting to come out of my holiday slump. I had the day off today, so I went for a run this morning and finally took down my Christmas tree.  It’s only been up for 3 months…

I am heavier now than I was this time last year but it is already starting to come off again. I am still cigarette free.  Maybe this is the start of my tough mudder/ 13.1 training?

I just have to say that getting off my ass and getting stuff done today felt good.  I cleaned a bit, ran some errands, took down the Christmas tree, finished packing my Christmas package to my mom,  ran, played some video games, and right now I’m baking sriracha bacon tuna balls.  After that it’s swai filets in cream of mushroom sauce that’s goin in the oven for dinner, and while that’s being eaten, an apple crisp will go in for dessert.  

It’s been a good day.

Happy Birthday

January 4th. I’m 36 today. I find myself making the same goals for this year as I do every year.  I have started each year the same. Fat and unhappy.  I’m not morbidly obese, but it doesn’t take much for my back to have issues.

When I was 31 I decided I was going to start conditioning and get back into running.  Every spring I get back in shape, I lose about 20 pounds and get up to about a 5 or 6 mile weekly long run and 3 miles per day minimum, 4 days a week.  Every Fall it falls apart.  I am starting to wonder if it will ever be a reality. I’ve come to the realization that, in order to get into the shape I want to be in, It has to b3 an obession.  Everything I do, from what I eat to what I do and when/how much I sleep.  Is that the kind of effort I’m willing or even able to put into it?

By now I had hoped to be running marathons.  Tough mudders.  

Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind on this birthday.  Maybe this will be the year I get it done.

Wellness Wagon: week 27

I want to start with an apology.  I’ve always had the mentality that you’re only hurting yourself when you stop taking care of yourself.  But honestly, why start a blog and make promises to your readers if you’re not going to stick to your guns and set a good example.  The simple answer is that my blog is honest. It’s real.  I am not perfect and I’m going to slip up.  That’s still no excuse for letting it happen, and it’s time pick pick ourselves back up and shake this grief and self loathing.

This week I began the climb back on the wagon. I ran a mile Friday morning and felt pretty good, so next week I want to hit the ground running.  I have started thinking about the races I want to get into.  I want to try to get into a 10 mile or half marathon by the end of 2017.  Tough Mudder.
Without regular exercise, the only dopamine triggers I have are food and alcohol. My intake of junk food this time of year is extremely unhealthy.  As my body gets heavier and my organs are abused, i go into a depression.  I get down on myself about my choices, but when the opportunity comes to be active, I can’t push myself to do the right thing.  Then I feel bad about that! The cycle continues until I snap or when my breathing becomes difficult and my pants don’t fit anymore.  That is where I am now. It is hard to breath.  I don’t sleep well. I feel like crap about myself.  If this sounds familiar, that’s because this happens to many, many people this time of year.  We let ourselves down when we let ourselves go.  It’s time to push past that.  

I am still kind of down about everything so I don’t really know what else to say at this point, but just know that I am trying to claw my way out of the hole I’ve dug and maybe next week’s post will have a lighter note.

Wellness wagon: falling off

Week 25ish.  I am still cigarette free.  Otherwise I’m not doing so well.  I know, I know.  How am I supposed to motivate and inspire…? Tell me about it.  I’m at a point where that’s going to be tough.  So many people with and without ADHD experience seasonal depression.  I haven’t been diagnosed with it, myself,but I wouldn’t be surprised.  

I know that if I go out and run a couple miles every morning.  I even tell myself this all day every day.  To those people who say to me “Andrew, you don’t understand. It’s not that easy,”  I say to you “I do understand. I haven’t run more than 1 day per week for almost 2 months. In fact I’ve gone several weeks at a time without a single run.”  That doesn’t make it any less true that a run will make me feel better.  

So right now I’m drinking and eating my way through the winter blahs along with so many people; feeling like crappy about it, and knowing that I can escape the fog anytime with healthy food anytime and exercise, yet no motivation to do either.