Turning point?

This grill hasnt’t been used in a few years.  Makes me feel kinda nostalgic.

I’m just chilling here, having a drink and grilling, thinking about where I was in life when I got this grill as a gift fom my parents. I was smoking, though no one really knew. I wasn’t in the best health.  This grill, though.  There was nothing more relaxing than sitting next to it with a beer in hand cooking dinner. Using the grill gave me a sense that I was properly adulting.

Fast forward 8 years or so….

The grill has been in storage, in favor of a larger box shaped smoker/grill that was great the first couple years but it could not stand up to the rigors of constant grilling.  The metal shelf that held the briquettes and wood literally cooked away. I tried replacing it but it was no use. I probably grilled 3 times last year. 

So I’m sitting here, contemplating life and whatnot, and I realize that another thing that happened last year was I really started to hate my life. I had not stood up to the rigors of constant adulting. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for my family, llike I was nowhere my potential. So I quit smoking, did my best to pay more attention to my health, and it’s been an honest to goodness battle ever since.

I started a blog series called the Wellness Wagon. It was meant to be a means of holding myself accountable for getting better. It worked for a bit, until it didn’t.  Eventually I found myself writing less about successfully treating my ADHD through diet and exercise and more about failing.  It was depressing.

I’m trying it all again, though.  Less writing, more doing, this time.   The failing grill is kicked to the curb and the old reliable Weber is back out.  Similarly, I’m going back to what I know.  Way back.  Yes I will be drinking every now and then. Yes I will skip runs.  But I will run. I WILL BIKE AND SWIM. I WILL CARDIO.  Not on a strict regiment were I’m beating myself up, but regular exercise will happen, and regular healthy eating will happen. I will make it fun or at least keep it interesting. This slump I’m in where I feel like crap about myself and don’t want to be around anyone; well, that’s the new battle I’m fighting.  Honestly, this isn’t about me feeling motivated, energetic, and empowered.  I’ve simply realized that things aren’t as they should be, and I already know how I need to live to get my life right. I just need to do it.

I’ll start with more grilling, more enjoyment, more relaxation. I need to learn to appreciate my life and my opportunities, and to make the most of them.  If I don’t feel like I’ve earned a night of drinks and/or relaxation, then I’ll go out and run or bike or swim and get my blood pumping.  I will reward positive efforts and I will simply abstain from those vices I have not earned. This is my new strategy.  Wish me luck.

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