I want to start with an apology. I’ve always had the mentality that you’re only hurting yourself when you stop taking care of yourself. But honestly, why start a blog and make promises to your readers if you’re not going to stick to your guns and set a good example. The simple answer is that my blog is honest. It’s real. I am not perfect and I’m going to slip up. That’s still no excuse for letting it happen, and it’s time pick pick ourselves back up and shake this grief and self loathing.
This week I began the climb back on the wagon. I ran a mile Friday morning and felt pretty good, so next week I want to hit the ground running. I have started thinking about the races I want to get into. I want to try to get into a 10 mile or half marathon by the end of 2017. Tough Mudder.
Without regular exercise, the only dopamine triggers I have are food and alcohol. My intake of junk food this time of year is extremely unhealthy. As my body gets heavier and my organs are abused, i go into a depression. I get down on myself about my choices, but when the opportunity comes to be active, I can’t push myself to do the right thing. Then I feel bad about that! The cycle continues until I snap or when my breathing becomes difficult and my pants don’t fit anymore. That is where I am now. It is hard to breath. I don’t sleep well. I feel like crap about myself. If this sounds familiar, that’s because this happens to many, many people this time of year. We let ourselves down when we let ourselves go. It’s time to push past that.
I am still kind of down about everything so I don’t really know what else to say at this point, but just know that I am trying to claw my way out of the hole I’ve dug and maybe next week’s post will have a lighter note.