ADHD and Intimacy

 

I figured ADHD and sex was probably too racy a title, but that’s pretty much the topic of the day.  If you haven’t already, I recommend listening to Jeff Copper’s interview with Dr. Ari Tuckman, featured in my June ADHD Review, before reading this entry.

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A couple months ago, I listened to the interview between Jeff and Dr. Tuckman about masturbation and ADHD.  Masturbation can be a coping mechanism, a means of procrastinating, or just a means of getting that dopamine fix.  But it got me thinking…

Jeff and Dr. Tuckman discussed a bit about sex drive, and sex and masturbation habits among the ADHD tribe versus non-ADHD people (or as I lovingly refer to them, Normies).  This is fascinating to me, because I am married to a Normie.  My kids, for all intents and purposes, are Normies.  So any comparison between the tribe and non-tribe I find interesting.  I’d like to add a few perspectives to the conversation as well, pertaining to sexual focus and persistence on the part of the ADHD individual.

  • Dopamine – Let’s face it, orgasms generate more dopamine than just about anything else we do.  Dopamine is the culprit for most, if not all, addictions.  It’s also essential in treatments for ADHD.  The human nervous system is designed to operated with a minimum level of stimulation and subsequent release of dopamine, which we do not get.  Sex provides it.  Am I saying we should use sex and masturbation to treat ADHD?  No.  However, if you’re a student and un-medicated, for example, perhaps it could help with studying and test taking?

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  • Insecurity – Another fact of life for the ADHD individual is social and intimate insecurity ruins our chances of having a successful relationship, more often than not.  Having a successful sexual encounter is often just the boost in self esteem we need to know our relationship is okay.  So, perhaps sometimes we are not looking for sex so much as that confirmation.  The longer we are shut down, the more disenchanted we may feel our partner has become and the more frantic we are to provide them with that enjoyment that in turn satisfies our need for security.  Often, people with ADHD are people pleasers, and need to know they are pleasing their partner.  This is a conversation to have with your partner if you feel you’ve underperformed because they are not eager to be intimate with you.

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  • Procrastination – This kind of goes hand in hand with Dopamine.  Jeff and Dr. Tucker refer to it as “Procrasturbation,” a means of taking a break or starting later when you’re just not that into whatever you might be doing.  Can’t focus on your studies? Procrasturbate.  Get that dopamine fix you need to get back on task.  Pass the time until you’ve gotten to game time where you have to shit or get off the pot and the adrenaline of the last minute will get you through…

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What I’m getting at is that someone might be sexually persistent, but it may not be for the sex itself.  Maybe they just want to feel loved.  Maybe they need a break from writing this blog.  Maybe they are frantic about finishing a project and just need something exciting to pass the time while waiting for the results.  Maybe they need/want gratification. In other words, it might be more than just lust and desire.

or…

…Maybe you’re just super attractive.

∗ I just realized some of these emojis are from before I shaved and some are from after, so please enjoy reading this again as you try to get past the distraction ;).

 

 

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