Road Rage 4: The Stalker

so by now you’ve realized that I have a lot of fantasies about arguments and vandalism against crappy drivers.

What about real life events, though?  I’ve never really egged the car of a bad driver (I promise…?) but surely there are things that do actually happen?



As my wife was unfortunate enough to witness one fine day, I have this thing I do when I’m turning left, and a vehicle is stopped ahead of the stop line inside my turn.  like the picture below:

don’t be jealous of my mad art skillz…

As you might imagine from the angle of my car and the path I’ve drawn for it, I get pretty close.  Not that this asshat gave me much room to begin with, right?  My poor wife.

Anyhow, the drawing above is my rendition of the exact scenario.  We were going to Culver’s which is actually just about a foot off the page.  After a few minutes in the Drive Thru, this young woman pulls up next to me and honks a couple times to get my attention, then her idiot boyfriend/husband/pet moron starts hollering at me from the passenger seat.

“Hey man, are you okay?”  He asks.

I reply, “Yeah, man, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”


“Yeah? because you just almost hit us back at that intersection!”

My dream has come true…


Me: “Well, buddy, maybe you should learn how to stop at an intersection, instead of in the intersection…?”
He replies “Oh, so you’re just a dick! If you’re gonna be a dick, next time just hit the person!”

—my passenger window is now up—
I’m about to pull up and order food and this guy is trying to call me out, gesturing to pull forward, get out, and go toe-to-toe. I’m like, uh Culver’s, bro. I smiled at him and just kept smiling as he flipped me off. Then he gave me the old sig heil and when I started laughing at him his lady-slave drove off.

This actually happened. Sure, it’s a dick maneuver to purposely get closer than necessary to another vehicle on the road, but no more than it is to pull forward over a car length beyond your stop line. But what’s really a dick move is following someone to the Culver’s drive through because your asshat boything wants to bitch and whine to the guy who didn’t hit the car.  So, Kudos to you, lady.  I hope you had to listen to him bitch and whine for hours about our interaction.  And kudos to you, sir, for absolutely making my dreams come true like a BOSS.


2 thoughts on “Road Rage 4: The Stalker

  1. The great thing about this is there was no light, Mom! it was a T intersection and I was on the through street. They were going to have to wait at the stop until my car and several others went through… And the ass hat in this scenario wasn’t even the driver! Still, the driver played their part in all of this. Thankfully my wife rolled up the window so I was forced to reign myself in LOL.


  2. Dear Son-I felt as if i were reading my own words regarding the idiots that feel the need to get almost into the intersection as if it will get them through it quicker once the light changes. I also turn very close to said idiot hoping maybe I’ll scare the bejesus out of them! However, I’ve also been on the other end of that when I’ve been pulling up to stop before the line and some nimno makes the left turn through the lane I’m in. If I would have been at the line, I would have been crunched. I came to the conclusion that there are far more idiots driving than non-idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

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