Scared out of my mind

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Scared Out of My Mind

One of my worst nightmares came true last weekend.  Someone very dear to me was in the hospital after suffering a heart attack.  It was my dad.  He is ok, and even after having a heart attack has a stronger heart than most people, but I was pretty scared (update: he had another heart attack in 2015, about a year after the first.  He survived a complete blockage of the widow-maker artery and is back running again!).  And if you thought having ADHD could make me a basket-case, you ain’t seen nothing! I have not been able to focus to save my life.  I have been trying to cope with this huge event, and my mind is still trying to wrap around the fact that this really happened, and thus having a hard time processing anything else. I have to wonder if I’ve just experienced something similar to the different between an “NT” and someone with ADHD?  I’ve gone from a normal guy to someone losing their grip.

And I think that a lot of people with ADHD in their life in any capacity can relate when I say that when one thing goes this badly, everything else is like being kicked while you’re down.  My water heater broke over the weekend, and today I got a review at work that I was just ashamed of.  I have car repairs that I keep putting off so I’m getting anxious about them, and I feel like I’m juggling knives.  Now I’m working on an action plan for work, to get my shit together.  It’s so hard to focus on anything.  It’s like everything before last weekend was actually not ADHD, and now it is.  I have very little control.  I’ve been coming back to this blog and writing in it, this entry HAS GOT TO BE the most “all over the place” entry to date.  I can’t imagine how inconsolable I would have been had he not pulled through.

I had thought that, since he is back home and recovering well, that my mind would calm down and get back to normal, however it’s more like the event flipped a switch in my mind, and now I can’t find the switch to flip it back.  I don’t mean this to be a “woe is me” type of blog post; however this is a situation completely new to me, that I figure many others have gone through, or will go through, at some point; so I thought it was relevant.  So, Eat well, exercise, and most importantly, enjoy your time with loved ones, because a life changing event could be right around the corner.

PS:  It took me 3 days to write this post.  Normally my posts are done within an hour or so of starting.  That’s how out of sorts I was.

Read the original HERE.


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