rebooting this entry as well, because it directly relates to the one I posted last night, and says a few things a little more clearly…
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Living at home: Support
Support is crucial to a person with A.D.H.D. Especially when it comes to structure and routine. These go hand in had for me. I have a place to charge my phone. A place to hang my keys, wallet, phone, etc. If for some reason i choose to charge my phone in another place, it could take me days to remember where. If I set my watch down to wash my hands, there is a good chance it will get left there. A.D.H.D. makes me a creature of habit and muscle memory.
Of course, who actually likes to keep things picked up, organized, with a place for everything and everything in it’s place?
I know a few people, I suppose, who get some level of comfort in tidying up the house. Just a few. Most of us have a catch-all where our keys, wallet, purse, spare change, mail, etc end up. This is my nemesis. but since the mail always ends up on my dinner table, that’s where I usually end up putting it, out of habit. Because the kids’ laundry ends up in a basket instead of their drawers, that’s where I end up leaving it. It’s a hard habit to break. And it’s so easy to just set something down somewhere and be done with it, right?
Before, I mentioned that it’s frustrating when there is no support. When you are the only one who wants things a certain way, you have to recognize that you ARE the only one who wants things that certain way. This might mean you have to do it yourself. I prefer to have the laundry put away right when it’s washed, but I’m the only one who does it. This seems normal, however for me, because of the A.D.H.D. or maybe just as a function of my personality. If no one else is doing it, I’m less likely to as well, even though it’s my preference. If not kept in check, this will cycle into a rather large mess, resulting in regular misplacing of… well, everything. I lose my keys. My glasses. Things don’t make it to where they are supposed to go. Take my work ID for example. If it doesn’t go back to my organizer by the front door… well, out of sight, out of mind. That is, until I need it to get in the building at work (or try to anyway).
One of the most difficult things to have to explain is how I can always complain that I like things a certain way, but at the same time I don’t put forth the effort to get it that way myself. The reason is, simply put, I can’t if you won’t. It all comes back to support and routine. And if the whole house isn’t doing it, neither am I, whether I like it or not.
I’ve mentioned before that, generally speaking, if you want something done, you’re the best person to rely on to do it. With ADHD, however, this becomes difficult to follow through with. So here we are. I need help keeping things a certain way, and I know that it’s not entirely fair to expect that help when some of these ideas are not shared by others in the house.